I know I haven’t updated too much on here about Sister’s adoption but, really, at this point, there’s not too much to tell. Our dossier is in the [Home Country] and we are waiting for a court date. We went this past Thursday to Atlanta to get our fingerprints done for the USCIS and were pleasantly surprised at how quick and easy it was this time around. Apparently the afternoon shift is a much happier bunch than the morning one and the process doesn’t have to make you fear for your life or seriously damage your self esteem. Good to know.

We’re not expecting a quick process (we know better than that!) but we do feel pretty confident that she will be home with us before next summer. We’re setting our expectations pretty low this time around simply because we know how devastating it is to have the rug ripped out from under you over and over again when you think too positively in this process. And I don’t mean to be negative, we’re just trying to be realistic and not get our hopes up too much. And, unfortunately, the process has also become a little more complicated since we brought our first two babies home. That being said, we are also praying everyday that she’s home TOMORROW! The sooner the better, for all of us. There’s been a lot more talk around our house from the current little A’s about Sister and it’s getting much harder to look into their sad little faces when they ask about their “Dada” (sister in Swahili).

We are also going to be starting a new fundraiser pretty soon. Thanks to your generous donations, we are good to go with the next round of fees but, after that, we’ve got a lot more expenses coming up. We got some great news this past week that will definitely benefit Sister but, just like everything in this process, it’s expensive! So, look for that soon! Until then, please join us in praying for a court date soon and for things to move as quickly as they can in this very complicated but also very worth it process!

It’s late and I’m sad so I’m gonna get a little heavy on here. You have been warned.

Tonight I got the news that a fellow adoptive family is having to say good-bye to their precious daughter. Sweet Z fought the good fight and she will soon find her well deserved rest in the arms of Jesus. My heart breaks for her family and her sweet mother who went above and beyond to fight for her girl and give her a chance. There are no words that could express the admiration and the pain that I feel for her now. You are my hero, B.

Nor are there really adequate words to express the aching fear and hurt that is gnawing at my heart tonight for a totally different reason. I have to be honest, this is a fairly new feeling for me. And I’m a little ashamed about that. Maybe it shouldn’t have taken this long but, after 7 months of being a mommy, I’m finally feeling the parental terror at the thought of losing one of my children.

I’m hit with this realization tonight that those kids down the hall, the same ones who yell too much, chew too loudly, have snot faucets instead of noses, and drive me crazy at least 12 out of every 24 hours in the day have become a fundamental part of who I am and, if they were removed from my life, it would be like cutting my heart from my chest. That is an overwhelming and terrifying thought. And it is keeping me awake.

Confession time: When I heard the news of Newtown back in December, I was overcome with sadness and grief – for the kids, the families, the teachers, the first responders. There was no part of me that wasn’t devastated by the horror that took place that day. But, my pain wasn’t personal. I didn’t see their tragedy as my possible own. I didn’t hold my kids for hours and watch them sleep all night and imagine my world crumbling if they were gone. Oh, I hate myself a little just for typing that. But, hey, it’s the truth. I mean, they were my children and I loved them but, we were three months in and I was still getting to know them. We were still very much attaching. We still are. It’s amazing how every month, I can look back and realize how much things have changed, how much we’ve grown into a family. But it’s difficult for me, also, to acknowledge that even though it’s wonderful that my feelings are so strong now, there was a time when it was hard to feel this way. When it was hard to adjust and feel normal in my new role as a mom and in our new dynamic as a family. But, it is hard sometimes. Kids don’t come home and just melt into perfect families. There are tears and there are fights and sometimes there are just times when you briefly reminisce about how simple your life was before you took that long plane ride to parenthood.

And then one night you are paralyzed at the thought of those children not being there. And you realize that it’s because you don’t just love them like you love all God’s children and powdered sugar doughnuts, but you love them with a fierceness and boldness that makes you their mother and that makes them yours in a way that you never imagined possible. And you realize that all the nights of uncertainty and the thoughts of inadequacy were and are worth it. And that the terror of losing them only exists because of the joy you have simply because they are here. And that’s a wonderful thing. A ridiculously wonderful thing. You also realize that, because you are a hopelessly flawed individual, it probably won’t even be 9 o’clock tomorrow morning before you raise your voice or roll your eyes at those two angels you just spent 15 minutes watching sleep. But, hey, that’s one reason you blog. So you won’t forget that you have these feelings the first time someone spills their orange juice or you find yet another green bean in the playroom.

So, yes, now I get it. I get why parents rush to pick up their kids from school or hold them close when they hear of another family’s tragedy. I get why bad news for one mom strikes fear into the hearts of all others. I totally get it. Again, I apologize if I’m late to the mommy-party on this one but I guess I’m a slow learner. Or maybe this adoption thing just takes time. Maybe being a family is just harder than it looks sometimes. Perhaps it’s one of those things that you have to work at daily with the understanding that it will never actually be perfect but that it is always worth the struggle. And your daily reward is two mini someones that you love so stinkin’ much that you simply can’t imagine living without them. I dare you to find me a better reason to fear.

So what do you do after the longest, most stressful week of your life?

You drop your kids off at Mimi and Pa’s, you drive to the most peaceful place you can think of (even if it is the coldest and windiest weekend in April ever), and you don’t think about anything important for at least three days. And you have a wonderful weekend free from children, stress, and major life decisions! Or, at least, that’s what we did. Also, optional but strongly recommended, is eating your body weight in Krispy Kremes. See, all the relaxation slows your mind down so you need something to slow your body down as well. The enormous amount of fat and calories in the doughnuts will take care of that. You have to balance it out, people. Otherwise you’ll have an empty head and an active body. That’s just a recipe for trouble. It’s must safer to just be a happy slug covered in doughnut glaze. You, know, for your own protection. Trust me when I say we were very safe and happy as we spent a wonderful weekend in Savannah. It was exactly what we needed to get our heads clear, our souls calm, and our brains ready for this next phase in our life. So consider us clear, calm, and ready for whatever comes next! And bring it on!

…and awesome.

Remember how I said we were moving to Texas? Just kidding!

Well, I was completely serious then but I am also completely serious now when I say that we are actually not! Confused again? Yeah, so were we. But we’re all clear now and we are excited (yet again) for what is even better news for our little family.

Basically, in the midst of preparing for our big move (last Friday to be exact), L got a surprising call from another amazing company with an even better offer for a job that would not only let us stay in Georgia but also allow L to work from home! What?

This past week has been an insane whirlwind of interviews, phone calls, stressing, worrying, praying, and trying to figure just what the heck was happening now. I’ll be honest, this really threw us for a loop. Even though this is exactly what we’ve wanted for a looooong time, we were deep in the heart of Texas-mode and it was hard to wrap our heads around another change which would actually keep things the same but also make them really different in a super fabulous way. There were many times when I believed my head would truly explode over these last few days. (J, thanks for talking me down off the crazy pants ledge about 57 times since last Friday. I love you friend.) L and I haven’t had this many late night talks since the week that we met and were all in love and stuff. Marital bonding notwithstanding, I am so glad that this is over and I am more than happy with the way it all turned out. And we are all very excited about L’s new opportunity and the blessing it will be to have his smiling face at our breakfast table every morning.

Are we a little disappointed that we’re not becoming cowboys? Yeah, we actually are. We were really excited about the possibilities that awaited us in San Antonio and it was actually a little painful to say goodbye to that adventure. But having L at home will be a daily adventure and not having to say goodbye to family is better than a trip to the Alamo any day! Plus I don’t have to leave my Braves in the middle what is turning out to be a very exciting season! Win, win, WIN! And, we had the best time driving around town yesterday, finding family, and surprising them with our amazing news. I mean it’s not everyday you get to tell your loving parents that you’re actually NOT going to take their adorable grandchildren 1,500 miles away from them. It was an Ed McMahon kind of day, minus the big, fat check. And they took this announcement much better than our last one. I guess I can’t blame them. I did too. But I would like to say thank you to all our family for how supportive they have been over this past month. Even if they were lying through their teeth, they were supportive! And we appreciate it! But sharing this news with them was much more fun and so is sharing this video with y’all.!

…but leave Dennis Miller at home, please.

Yesterday was a bitter sweet day. Yesterday I finally got to take my beautiful kids to one of my very favorite places in the whole wide world – to Turner Field to watch my Atlanta Braves whoop up on some Cubs. It was great day but it made me super sad. Other than leaving my family and friends, the thing that’s bothering me the most about this move is the distance from the “Ted” to Texas. So even though taking them to their first Braves game was a dream realized for me, it was also kind of depressing that it was also their last for a long while. This realization is made worse by the fact that the stupid Ass-tros went and joined the Dark Side this year so we can’t even go see the Braves play in Houston. Stupid American League and their stupid designated hitters and their stupid non-Texas baseball teams. Lame.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I still plan on making as many games as possible when I visit. I’ve already started planning my trips around the home schedule. But, I’m probably not going to drive all the way from Texas with my two loud adorable children and then schlep them all the way to Atlanta as well. That sounds like a great opportunity for Mimi/Pa bonding time while Mommy enjoys some alone time with her 40 favorite baseball boys. But it’s going to be hard knowing that I can’t just hop in the car and go to a game anytime that I want. The good news is that our new home does have a Minor League team and we are excited to support and cheer on the local boys! Plus, the mascots for our new home team are a “Ballapeno” and “Henry the Puffy Taco.” Yes. Yes. Yes! I’m pretty sure that this information is worth the move all by itself.

Taking the kids to the ballgame was also another reminder that my existence can no longer go unnoticed by the general public. My kids are just too dang adorable. They have this cuteness tractor-beam that just pulls people in and demands that they sigh in awe at least once every 10 minutes. Not that I’m complaining, I appreciate the love we get when we find the time and money to make a public appearance. It’s just that I prefer to avoid the spotlight in groups of people when at all possible and starring in “Look At That Adorable Family(?)!” isn’t exactly my favorite thing to do. Of course, I could hardly say I’m the star. L and I are definitely just supporting actors and my job in this play is to simply smile, say thank you, and gaze lovingly at my children while the masses admire them and try not to let it show on my face that A chews with his mouth open and yesterday G threw a fit and kicked me in the boob.

So, I apologize to all of you who bought a ticket today to cheer on the Braves but actually spent the afternoon watching my kids eat cotton candy and do the Tomahawk Chop. Or maybe I don’t. They do put on a pretty good show. (But so do my Bravos! SWEEEEP, I love it!) The girl in front of us literally turned around every time Gigi giggled because she was so terrified of missing one second of the magic. I’m pretty sure I heard “She’s so cute” in our little section of the ballpark just as often as I heard “Let’s go Braves!”

Regarding Dennis Miller: He sure knows how to ruin a perfectly good day of baseball. One of the things I’d been preparing A and G most for is singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” during the 7th inning stretch. It’s always one of my favorite moments and I was hoping it would be one of theirs as well. We sing that song around our house all the time and A even has a stuffed “Green Monster” that plays the tune for hours if you so much as walk near it. So, they know the song and I was excited for them experience a ball park full of fans singing it together. And then Dennis Miller stepped up to the mike. As the music was (already) playing, he gave a short little intro that went something like “I’ve been down here watching the game so I thought I’d just come up and sing.” Special. Not. His rendition was slow, awkward, didn’t contain the correct words. At least he had the decency to end it with “Go Braves.” But, seriously, next time – just sing with the rest of us. And learn the words. Or read the giant screen that they’re printed on. Now is not the time for inside jokes.

But enough about snarky comedians and the time-honored traditions that they ruin – it’s picture time! A and G had such a great time at the game and they behaved so well! I was a little worried about how they’d do with the crowds and the noise but they were little baseball rock stars who charmed and cheered their way through the entire game. And they were adorable doing it!

Go Braves!!!

…for another adventure!

Maine, North Carolina, Georgia, Texas. What do these four states have in common? Well, two share a border.Three are hot as hades in the summertime. And all four are the past, present, and future homes of our little family. L and I started out freezing our newlywed butts off in Maine, we quickly moved to North Carolina and thawed out for about four years, then on to Georgia where we’ve enjoyed family, friends, and some Atlanta Braves baseball, and now it’s time to pack it up again and head to Texas!

Surprised? Yeah, so were we. But we are excited! How did this happen, you ask. Well I will tell you. We have a great home here in GA and L has a great job with some amazing people that he loves very much. But. Our little duo has just exploded into a big ol’ family over the past year and this growing group needs a larger income. Plain and simple. We knew when we accepted A’s referral that our family was going to be growing much quicker than we thought it would and we needed to make some changes. We began then to look for local opportunities to better our situation but, after a year with no luck, we had to admit that it might be best for us to expand our search. It was about this time that we also found out our family of four was about to become a family of five. So we started freaking out looking further out quite fervently, even in other surrounding states. To be honest, Texas wasn’t even on our radar. It didn’t seem like a real possibility and L didn’t even apply to any jobs in the entire state. But, God don’t need no stinking job applications! L was contacted a few weeks ago by a terrific company who requested an interview with my extremely talented husband. Six interviews and 3 days later, they were making us an offer we simply couldn’t refuse. And, really, we didn’t want to. The company is awesome, L’s job will be amazing, and we are excited to explore Texas!

Did I spend this entire last weekend in tears as we visited my family that I do NOT want to leave? Yes. Have I spent the last 4 days working out a very aggressive Georgia visiting plan? Yes! Am I still very scared about how in the world all of this is even going to work? YES! But I do feel very confident that this is what God has next for our little family. The doors that have closed in this past year have just been preparing us to run excitedly through this one and we are pumped. We are on our marks, getting ready. We are rabid brides-to-be tearing down the doors of Filene’s Basement. We are bucking broncos waiting to gallop across some fields and stuff. We are still working on our cowboy metaphors.

So that’s it pardners – the prologue to the next installment of the story of our lives. More details to come and lots of stressing over packing, moving, selling a house, buying a home, and plenty more crying and sniffling from me, I’m sure. We would appreciate your prayers as we begin this next phase in our family. This shouldn’t slow our process down for Sister, by the way. We’ll have to update our home-study once we get settled but we’re working now to make sure that we don’t lose any time. We’ll just be bringing her home to a different state that we did her siblings which is weird. But it will be awesome and we are so excited about our new adventure!

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

Bring it!

Ok, people, I have an amazing update on our fundraising!!! (And I apologize in advance for the ridiculous overuse of exclamation marks in this post – prepare yourself.)

I can’t believe that, just two months after making our big announcement, I am able to write this post. This is just freaking crazy!

We have MET our latest fundraising goal! What??? Yes, as of today, we have officially raised OVER $15,000 towards Sister’s end of process expenses! How did this happen? I’m still stunned. I’m seriously in disbelief. Y’all have been ridiculously generous. I mean, really! What???

Thank you to everyone who has donated in any way. Thank you especially to two very special groups who made a huge difference in our total. I told y’all last month about the very awesome ladies at Christ Chapel Dublin who designed and sold St. Patrick’s Day t-shirts to bring Sister home. Well, they raised $2500!!! Amazing!!! I also told you last week about the wonderful people at Winterville First Baptist who held a fundraiser in B’s honor. They just blessed us with a big fat check for over $6000!!! Crazy!!! We are still reeling from the generosity of such sweet people.

This puts us over the top! We are good to go for awhile now. Before it’s all said and done, we’ll need to do another fundraiser for travel and Sister’s monthly fees once she’s moved to Capital City but we are breathing easy right now. And we are in total awe at the faithfulness of our God and our friends. And so many people that we don’t or didn’t even know before now. Simply amazing. I seriously cannot possibly express how grateful and thankful we are for you all. Your donations, your prayers, and your sweet encouragements mean everything to us. Thank you for everything that y’all are doing to bring Sister home!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are so many things happening around here lately and I have so much to blog about but today I just need to take a few minutes while the house is quiet and L and the kids are gone to have a tiny breakdown and share it with the interwebs. So far, I’ve been doing really, really well at controlling my adoption anxiety and keeping a tight hold on the emotional nutcase that ran this blog last year. But every now and then…She can’t be contained for too long, you know. She is much too crazy powerful for that. So here is my moment of weakness before I shut it down again and go about my business.

It is breaking my heart a little every single day that Sister is not here. I know you all heard this from me last year but this time is so different. Last year’s heartache was pretty much all mine. I know now that my emotions were 99% selfish. I wanted A and G here because I wanted the joy they would bring me. Yes, I wanted them out of a rough situation, of course, but I was mostly focused on how sad I was and how frustrated I was. And there is no way I can lie and you actually believe that I don’t feel that way this time. I totally do. I don’t want to wait to meet Sister. I don’t want to wait to be a family of 5. I’m ready for my new girl to be home now! But…this time it’s not just about me. This time there are two little siblings who miss their sister every day and I can’t do anything about it. I can’t even tell them yet that she’s coming home. That is hard. So crazy hard.

A and G have this thing where, when they watch TV or read a book, they assign our names to all the characters. The parents are usually “Mommy” (although I also get to be “Jem” which I think is awesome!) and “Daddy” and then they decide which ones they want to be. And, every single time, they give Sister a character. It amazes me. (And it doesn’t. If you took me away from my sister, I would never stop thinking about her!)They haven’t seen her for months, almost a year, but they (A mostly) still talks about her all the time. He tells me he wants her to go to school like he does. When I buy things for G, he asks if we can buy Sister stuff too and send it to Africa because he knows she needs it. He prays for her and thinks about her constantly. She’s still very much apart of his family in his mind and he doesn’t even know she’s coming home. I can’t even imagine now if she wasn’t. How heartbreaking would it be if we didn’t have this hope that they would be reunited soon? I cannot wait for the day when we can finally tell them it’s a reality. I’m terrified that something will happen now that will make it all fall apart. I just feel like there’s so much on the line here for us. There will be so much joy when this happens but, if something were to go wrong…

Ugh. I can’t even think about it. So I guess I won’t. There’s not anything else I can do right now anyway. We’ve still got a very looooong way to go before Sister comes home and me losing my marbles won’t get her here any sooner. Luckily I have LOTS to keep me busy and keep my mind occupied. Lots of stuff that I’ll be sharing soon! So, breakdown over. Moving on.

Monday’s anniversary made me feel grateful. Today’s anniversary makes me feel old. And grateful. And thrilled that I am still married to my best friend in the whole world! Happy Anniversary L! I love you 9 million times more than I did when I married you 9 years ago! And I’m looking forward to 90 more! Yes, we’re planning on growing extremely old together.

We were just babies. And now we have babies. How weird is that.

I can’t believe it’s been six months since we met our babies! How did this even happen??? Time has moved so quickly since they came home. It seems like they’ve been here forever and it also seems like just yesterday that we all stumbled sleepily through the front door. They have changed so much in the past six months and we have really gotten to know what completely awesome kids they are. They also, apparently, are feeling comfortable enough with us to show us their dark and disgusting sides too but at least we finally feel like a normal family – poopy pants, hissy fits, attitudes, and all. When they give me two minutes of peace and quiet (patience, it could be 15 years from now), I plan on sitting down and writing individual updates for each of them but today I just have time for a few pictures and a HAPPY SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY TO US!

Here we are, 6 months ago today, just hours away from being parents!

Just minutes after becoming a family of four!

Loving every minute of this!

Proud papa!

And here we are 6 months later, minus Daddy because he’s taking the picture.