How fast did you click on this post?

So, no, this is not my tell-all, deep-dark secret post. Sorry to disappoint. This is just a nonsense post about how I’ve managed to get any sleep these past 10 months! It hasn’t been easy, I will tell you that. I am a bit of an over-thinker and it is crucial that I be kept busy in times of stress so as not to have a complete mental breakdown. And the hardest time to do that is, of course, at night. When I’m laying in the bed with nothing to do but relax enough to sleep, that is when my mind wants to be most active. There are no distractions for my busy brain, just plenty of time for worst case scenarios, why-is-it-taking-so-long-pity-parties, and what-comes-next-I’m-so-unprepared freak-outs. So, that’s why I now go to sleep every night with Zach Braff. Bow chicka wow – get your minds out of the gutter. It’s all very innocent, I assure you. He simply helps me relax and gets my mind out of the danger zone and into sleepy town. It didn’t take me too long into this process to figure out I would need some sort of awesome distraction at bedtime. First I tried deep breathing and mediation. That just made me dizzy. Then I tried tossing and turning until I wore myself out. That just got me super dirty looks from a black and blue husband who suggested separate beds until this process was over.
Finally I turned to Netflix.

Ahhh, Netflix. How I love you. And, Zach Braff, I owe you so much. I might as well thank Bill Lawrence too, the creator of Scrubs. See, Scrubs is my super sleep lifesaver. Every night I turn on my phone, start up Netflix, and drift away to the sounds of all my favorite fictional doctors at Sacred Heart. It’s one of my absolute favorite shows and I can pretty much quote every hilariously, touching episode line for line. So it’s extremely comforting but not too terribly distracting since I’ve seen every complete season at least 25 times. And for some reason, Zach Braff’s nasally perfect voice lulls me to sleep every. single. night. I seriously had to skip season 9 a few months ago because he’s barely in any of the episodes and it just wasn’t working. I’ve Pavlov-ed myself so well, in fact, that I totally start to yawn when it comes on TV during the day. If I ever met him in person, I’ll probably go into an immediate narcoleptic coma. When I woke up, I’d also give him a big ‘ol hug for helping me stay rested and sane during this exhausting and crazy process!

So, for all you sleep deprived worry-wart adoptive mommies out there – I have found the cure. He’s hilarious, he’s apparently got the perfectly pitched voice to put you right to sleep, and he’s available 24/7 on Netflix! He’s Zach Braff and sleeping with him has helped me survive my adoption. And for that I say, thank you. And, Eeeaaagggllleee!!!